Things That Are Sexier Than 50 Shades of Grey

In honour of the release of the Fifty Shades of Grey movie, I decided to share with you a list of things that are sexier than Fifty Shades of Grey.

“Mr. Grey will see you now.”
Ew, no. Please just stop.

Ready? Here goes:

Things that are way sexier than 50 Shades of Grey:

    • a dentist appointment
    • a gyno appointment
    • shovelling snow
    • doing laundry
    • laying tiles
    • laying hard wood
    • laying carpet
    • installing any type of flooring, really
    • filing your nails
    • teeth whitening strips
    • literally spicing up your bedroom. I suggest oregano, thyme and paprika sprinkled between the sheets
    • watching paint dry
    • hanging wallpaper
    • washing dishes that have sat in the skin for three weeks
    • yard work
    • watching grass grow
    • being adventurous in the bedroom with your consenting partner
    • consensual sex
    • sex on the beach (the drink)
    • sex on the beach (where you basically have sex in coarse dirt– Cuz that’s basically what sand is).
    • dancing
    • cleaning the bathroom
    • cleaning your bedroom
    • fast cars
    • slow cars
    • public transit
    • eating your vegetables
    • listening to Blank Space on repeat
    • watching Animal Planet
    • watching the History network

  • watching porn with friends
  • watching porn alone
  • reading

 

Just as long as you're not reading this.
Just as long as you’re not reading this.
  • reading Snark Squad recaps of the book
  • flossing your teeth
  • wearing high heels
  • wearing flats
  • wearing Converse
  • wearing whatever the fuck makes you feel awesome
  • making your own decisions
  • making music
  • making art
  • making stuff with your own two hands
  • making out with someone you care about
  • Snow slush
  • Icy sidewalks
  • Farms
  • Calluses
  • Hangnails
  • Spinach
  • Yogurt
  • Mowing the law
  • Toothpicks
  • Cohesive relationships
  • Not being stalked
  • Squats and lunges workouts
  • Dirty gym socks
  • Old running shoes
  • Sidewalk chalk
  • Worms
  • Making your own choices about what and when you eat
  • Making your own choices about where you work
  • Door knobs
  • Thor
  • Light bulbs
  • Selfie sticks

My point is, anything is sexier than 50 Shades of Grey. Nothing is sexy about stalkery, controlling, abusive relationships, nor is it sexy to romanticize abusive, controlling relationships. It isn’t sexy to exploit a community like the BDSM one by using it to hide behind. And nothing is sexy about bad writing and horrible fan fiction.

So if you’re looking for sexy, for the love of all that is sexy, give 50 Shades of Grey a pass. You’ll thank me.

 

 

Currently… it’s 2015.

Happy New Year!

Yes, yes. I realize it’s February.

I haven’t blogged yet this new year. I was sick December and January and most of my free time was spent in doctor’s waiting rooms and recovering. I’m finally on the mend and starting to feel like a human being again.  I’ve been writing a bit for some clients and have about half a dozen half-finished blog posts.

They have yet to see the light of day, because I get inspired to write a blog post, get halfway into it, then decide it’s a stupid idea for a blog post, so it sits forever as a draft.

116109

I might finish them and publish them. Or I could run away and join the circus.  Hey, anything could happen!

In the meantime, I’m adapting rukristin’s Currently project to give a quick update in to what I’m into and up to lately.

Currently

watching:

Not much, to be honest. Lots of Raptors basketball games. How To Get Away With Murder, but mostly for the snarking.

reading:

Yes Please, by Amy Poehler. It is a phenomenal memoir.  And she gives some really great sex tips. I’m only half kidding.

listening:

Taylor Swift’s Blank Space (don’t judge!) and Riptide by Vance Joy.

making:

A mess, usually.

feeling:

Restless. And tired of winter.  Even if it is pretty…

My current view. #winterwonderland

A photo posted by GFM (@girlfrmmars) on

planning:

World Domination. Finishing some blog posts. Some projects around the house.

loving:

Having cable again so I can watch every Raptors basketball game. Fieldnotes Brand notebooks. Feeling human again. It’s been a looong eight weeks.



What have you been up to and into lately?

I failed at the thing

Oh, hey. It’s December and once again, I failed at that whole Nablopomo thing.

doctor nope

I had the best intentions for this year. I swear.

I’ve been writing a lot more recently. Not so much here. But for clients. And a super secret side project. And for these awesome people.

So I fully expected to successfully write a blog post each. And. Every. Day. This. Month.

Then life happened. Some super exciting happy news one day, followed by no good, terrible very bad news the next.

Then work got busy, then my anxiety became all stirred up. We fought with our contractors, as our big home reno is still not 100% complete. Over a year after the hell mouth first opened up in my dining room.

And so on, and so on.

And then suddenly it was December.

So hey, guys. I failed the thing again. As it happens sometimes.

But that’s okay. Life goes on.